I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Randomize
