I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Randomize
