Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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