The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
