i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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