he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
