I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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