Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
They left me at home... I'm a liability
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
