Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
