i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
We are all done wearing pants today
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
