Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
