you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
