last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
