My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
