After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Randomize
