There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
that's an acceptable place to lick
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
