OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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