how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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