Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize