I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
