It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
