I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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