I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
