Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
