Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
