im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
