Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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