i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
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