While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
