just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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