mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
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