we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
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We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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