wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize
