She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Randomize
