Plan B is the new Plan A
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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