Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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