i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
