The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
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I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
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I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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