There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
