I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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