I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
