I am in a vortex of obligation.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
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