Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
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