goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
