Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Randomize
