I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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