TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
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I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
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I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
The adults are the big ones right?
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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