We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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