i may or may not be watching the land before time
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
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