Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
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