well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
