I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
