she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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