i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
