Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
What happened to fro yo and sex?
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Randomize
