this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Randomize
