this beer tastes like vomit already
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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