Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Randomize
