First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Randomize
