she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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