Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
