Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
