This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
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